Heart is Hard to Find

Lately, I have been re-sensitized to the brokenness of humanity. Literally- my heart breaks over almost everything I see. More specifically, the direct effects of said brokenness reflected in relationships...but all of this observation really just makes me hold up a mirror to myself and see my brokenness.

Literally it's crippling at how dysfunctional I am. And how over and over again, I am burdened by the heaviness of my broken nature. How it manifests itself as loneliness in my life and brings so much darkness. But out of this darkness I always come, because I am marked by the beloved and am gently reminded of a love so unconditional. That I have been forgiven and redeemed.

And at the same time as this, I am captivated by the presence of God and it's overwhelming. To be in the pure presence of complete goodness, beauty and truth and yet still fully aware of your brokenness is the most intense emotion I have felt in the longest time.

In this experience I feel as though I am having open heart surgery with no anesthesia. That I am completely raw and open and it hurts. It hurts but it hurts in an overwhelmingly good way. To feel completely stripped and vulnerable while at the same time being loved fiercely and unconditionally is almost unfathomable for my human capacity. It leaves me breathless and sure does leave me speechless for a long while.

"But I say, walk by the Spirit and you will not carry out the desire of the Flesh". Galatians 5:16

The Spirit and the flesh cannot coexist with one another. I am called to freedom. I must walk in The Spirit.