Im in brentwood visiting family until friday. its been great. and this week while Im down here I hope to be getting a car!
heres to hoping...
anyways...life has been eventful lately. Lauren and peter came down a couple weekends ago for our friends Noah and Sara Felsenthals wedding. it was outrageous, and it was a blast. we all had a merry time.
today for some reason i feel anxious. anxious because I have so much on my plate, and all I want to do is push it aside and be selfish. To not adhere to my responsibilities; such as summer school, my internship and my finances. for some reason- it feels like there's so much pressure on me there is no breathing room. I feel like if i slip up anywhere ill be letting someone down somewhere.
Days like today i want to be a kid again. where ignorance truly is bliss. Where i have no responsibilities and no one to let down. where I can be selfish and not deal with repercussions of hurting another or hurting myself. You know, i make good progress in this whole growing up thing, but part of me just wants to give it up. sometimes, like today, it just plain sucks. I just want someone else to take care of this all for me. But I know far too well that won't happen.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Phase 3
We are waiting until september to finsh the whole shabang...It looks real good and mel the the bomb!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Spiritual Disciplines...?!?!!
I'm just gunna 'list it' because I am being lazy right now...
- my internship is good. real good. God is amazzziinngg and teaching me more and more. every time I walk into the H.O.H., I feel the manifestation of God's grace all over the place. It's crazy and nuts, but beautiful nonetheless.
- I've been thinking through alot lately. I feel like Spiritually I'm in a place thats just kind of wandering. Not in a bad-doubting wandering kind of way, but more so, going with the flow, growing and moving where I am led kind of way.
- the past couple weeks I have really been in a 'observing' kind of mode. I am just taking it all in. what people say, What pastors speak, what friends say, what authors say... just listening. Taking it all in, processing..letting it formulate into either a self reflection about myself, or about someone else....anyways- this thought has been stirring in my head for quite sometime- so here it is- What would my life be/look like without the Holy Spirit in it? Do I move and act from that deep place of knowing the Holy Spirit is enacted in me? Do I live as though it is SO present, that if it were gone, people would be able to tell? If Not, why not?
- I really want to get back to intentionally practicing and creating space for some spiritual disciplines. The last time I devoted 6 months of my life to intentionally creating that space for God is certain ways, and it serioucly changed my life. Meditation. Prayer. Fasting. Study. Simplicity. Solitude. Submission. Service. Confession. Worship. Guidance. Celebration.
This is all; for now.
- my internship is good. real good. God is amazzziinngg and teaching me more and more. every time I walk into the H.O.H., I feel the manifestation of God's grace all over the place. It's crazy and nuts, but beautiful nonetheless.
- I've been thinking through alot lately. I feel like Spiritually I'm in a place thats just kind of wandering. Not in a bad-doubting wandering kind of way, but more so, going with the flow, growing and moving where I am led kind of way.
- the past couple weeks I have really been in a 'observing' kind of mode. I am just taking it all in. what people say, What pastors speak, what friends say, what authors say... just listening. Taking it all in, processing..letting it formulate into either a self reflection about myself, or about someone else....anyways- this thought has been stirring in my head for quite sometime- so here it is- What would my life be/look like without the Holy Spirit in it? Do I move and act from that deep place of knowing the Holy Spirit is enacted in me? Do I live as though it is SO present, that if it were gone, people would be able to tell? If Not, why not?
- I really want to get back to intentionally practicing and creating space for some spiritual disciplines. The last time I devoted 6 months of my life to intentionally creating that space for God is certain ways, and it serioucly changed my life. Meditation. Prayer. Fasting. Study. Simplicity. Solitude. Submission. Service. Confession. Worship. Guidance. Celebration.
This is all; for now.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
tuckered.
I am exhausted...
mentally, physically, spiritually exhausted. I feel like I have nothing of value to give right now...Why do I feel this way? this is not normal katie....
When I say this I mean I'm exhausted everywhere outside of my internship...because for some reason when I'm there I feel whole, fulfilled...
I feel on the down and out's When it comes to all else... I know these are lies being fed to me, but sometimes they overtake the truth that I know deep inside.
weird.
Monday, June 1, 2009
So Bad to So Good.
This past week (or month) has been rough for many reasons...in general...growing pains.
I'm a real life adult, on a real life budget/work schedule/internship/school/still trying to grow up.
anyways- I am spent. exhausted. Worn thin- by my work (6 days a week is rough), friendships (not always the easiest thing)....spiritually spent. I am not complaining though because I know above all else... I am SO blessed; and I am so GRATEFUL for it all.
anyways- yesterday @ work was particularly rough. I am not fond of workings sundays...never have been and I don't think I ever will be. Anyways- it was a rough sunday. A refrigerator is broken, so I have to pull all my drinks/milk/cream from one fridge on other side of the store EVERYTIME i make a drink. ok- that and, I walk in, and from behind the counter, all the way to the kitchen there is a flood of 2 inches of water. we have to work through it- bc a pipe burst and the plumber took his sweet time fixing things. anyways- it makes everything a pain plus working on sundays sucks anyways. So- i am at work from 730am-330pm. then I had to go back to work for a 'work meeting' from 4pm-9pm. needless to say- i was real fussy yesterday and even more exhausted. So today when i woke up and had to go to work- I wanst in an awesome mood....
Got off work- came home, chilled and mentally/spiritually prepared myself to go to the house of hope to work @ my internship. I told God I was exhausted, and needed a break from work- bc working 6 days a week is no fun- and I do love my job and don't want to start resenting it, so I told God i really needed a break. Anyways- my internship is what I look forward to. I got there, And tonight was seriously amazing.
I got to hang outside on the porch with a couple of the program girls and listen and chat with them. about life- their stories, addictions, battles, etc. etc. seriously- so great. we sat for 2 hours. I listened. And God spoke. I do not have the gift of prophecy- but I have been praying the past year that I would be sensitive to the way the spirit moves and I would listen to it guide me and give words of truth to tell these women. And it so did! I listened, and I spoke. I spoke words of LIFE and TRUTH into these women- in LOVE. I spoke to them of their worth and greatness. How I look at them and see such worthiness, joy, beauty and strength. These women's eyes filled with tears, smiles stretched across their faces, and genunine gratitude echoed from their entire beings. God was so evident in these hours. He is always present, but tonight, he chose to manifest in this way. mmmmmmmmm...so good! God loves us so much.
In these moments and hours I spend at the house of hope- I am reminded not only of My calling, but i am filled with overflowing joy and so much gratitude. gratefulness for all I have, all i am given- and for that moment. the Moment that I am reminded so strongly about the beauty of God's character engrained in the nature of our being- that comes out in moments like tonight. it's truly like a glimpse of heaven. I look around every night- and I see what I think God sees; that this, this is the kingdom. right here and now- this is what it's all about... And I am so pumped that i get to spend the rest of my life doing kingdom work.
I wouldn't do anything else in the entire world.
P.S. when i left house of hope tonight i had a voicemail from yaks saying that had to do last minute schedule changes... and I have tomorrow off... woooo weee. God knew I needed it. He is real funny and real great. this is how my day went from being so bad to so good.
I'm a real life adult, on a real life budget/work schedule/internship/school/still trying to grow up.
anyways- I am spent. exhausted. Worn thin- by my work (6 days a week is rough), friendships (not always the easiest thing)....spiritually spent. I am not complaining though because I know above all else... I am SO blessed; and I am so GRATEFUL for it all.
anyways- yesterday @ work was particularly rough. I am not fond of workings sundays...never have been and I don't think I ever will be. Anyways- it was a rough sunday. A refrigerator is broken, so I have to pull all my drinks/milk/cream from one fridge on other side of the store EVERYTIME i make a drink. ok- that and, I walk in, and from behind the counter, all the way to the kitchen there is a flood of 2 inches of water. we have to work through it- bc a pipe burst and the plumber took his sweet time fixing things. anyways- it makes everything a pain plus working on sundays sucks anyways. So- i am at work from 730am-330pm. then I had to go back to work for a 'work meeting' from 4pm-9pm. needless to say- i was real fussy yesterday and even more exhausted. So today when i woke up and had to go to work- I wanst in an awesome mood....
Got off work- came home, chilled and mentally/spiritually prepared myself to go to the house of hope to work @ my internship. I told God I was exhausted, and needed a break from work- bc working 6 days a week is no fun- and I do love my job and don't want to start resenting it, so I told God i really needed a break. Anyways- my internship is what I look forward to. I got there, And tonight was seriously amazing.
I got to hang outside on the porch with a couple of the program girls and listen and chat with them. about life- their stories, addictions, battles, etc. etc. seriously- so great. we sat for 2 hours. I listened. And God spoke. I do not have the gift of prophecy- but I have been praying the past year that I would be sensitive to the way the spirit moves and I would listen to it guide me and give words of truth to tell these women. And it so did! I listened, and I spoke. I spoke words of LIFE and TRUTH into these women- in LOVE. I spoke to them of their worth and greatness. How I look at them and see such worthiness, joy, beauty and strength. These women's eyes filled with tears, smiles stretched across their faces, and genunine gratitude echoed from their entire beings. God was so evident in these hours. He is always present, but tonight, he chose to manifest in this way. mmmmmmmmm...so good! God loves us so much.
In these moments and hours I spend at the house of hope- I am reminded not only of My calling, but i am filled with overflowing joy and so much gratitude. gratefulness for all I have, all i am given- and for that moment. the Moment that I am reminded so strongly about the beauty of God's character engrained in the nature of our being- that comes out in moments like tonight. it's truly like a glimpse of heaven. I look around every night- and I see what I think God sees; that this, this is the kingdom. right here and now- this is what it's all about... And I am so pumped that i get to spend the rest of my life doing kingdom work.
I wouldn't do anything else in the entire world.
P.S. when i left house of hope tonight i had a voicemail from yaks saying that had to do last minute schedule changes... and I have tomorrow off... woooo weee. God knew I needed it. He is real funny and real great. this is how my day went from being so bad to so good.
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