Portland updates. October 2010

PORTLAND.

so far, so good.

for every day Im here, I do not doubt my decision to move.

it was for the best...but some days are better than others...

at nights like this I rely on music to express...

good, but still reflective. You know, i expected to radically get over stuff. for it to be an epiphany moment- where I am released to move on...surely as quickly as people have done.. but it hasn't come. and as months have moved forward, i have realized it wont be like that for me. I invested my life the past four years, how can I imagine it to just blink away. it will be a day by day thing. years, days, minutes, invested in a life. how cant i expect it to flee from me so easily? It haunts me. everyday.

no epiphany. no instantaneous change. just a gradual healing of my heart. above all else, i will choose Joy.

I am blessed. I have transitioned so well into my new home. my new workplace. I work with Rad girls...and I LOVE it. but things still beckon my heart... like Haiti. i dont want to look back on my life 5 years from now and regret 'staying around for a job' just to work my way up. I want to obey. i want to follow the call. wherever it may lead. I want to be healed. I want to be whole. however long it may take. I will not ignore and deflect from this past year no longer.